Mustard’s Last Stand – Melbourne, Fla.

Posted: April 25, 2012 in Randomness
Tags: , ,

April 22, 2012

Recommended to myself by a young phenom who holds the name of A.J. Lear, I was eagerly off to Mustard’s Last Stand in Melbourne, Fla. My mission carried a clear target, which was to locate a memorable hot dog. However, first I wanted to update my small brain on the historical event for which this establishment cleverly picked up its name. And how easily I forgot Custer’s Last Stand also goes by the name of the Battle of Little Bighorn and the simple fact that the Custer Battalion was defeated in the state of Montana.

After proving to myself that I truly did not learn much from history class while in school, my focus turned on the bright yet unassuming one-story structure before my eyes.  Chance of rain this day fixated on 80 percent, yet the sun beat down on the pavement and was accompanied by a steady, comforting breeze. I passed through Mustard’s outdoor seating where smiling patrons gathered, and it felt like I began entering an old beach house.

Greeted by yellow walls filled with San Francisco 49ers trading cards, a Joe Montana Notre Dame jersey and other random pictures and drawings (including a KISS action figure), I felt scrunched due to the tiny aisle way where hungry customers line up to order. I glanced at the menu board on the wall and noticed hot dogs were not the only cuisine, but Mustard’s also provided items such as chicken and sausages. Two of my unfortunate favorite adult beverages, PBR and Shock Top, sat behind the counter as well.

My sights were set on the Charley Dog – a behemoth of a dog which contained chili, melted cheese, onions and French fries on top. Following my request for a no-onion Charley Dog, I took my number and sat down where a gentlemen across from me was demolishing a foot-long while pushing cheese fries down his throat. Watching this adventure helped pass the time until my dog ventured over to my table thanks to a courtesy waitress.

Staring at my entrée allowed me to soak up the moment, only I needed to start digging in to my meal. My first attempt to pick up the hot dog resulted in fries falling off the soft bun from both directions, so I tried again and finally secured my first bite. In about three seconds, it was gone.

With Sirius XM’s AltNation playing Silversun Pickups in the speakers above, my head bobbed to the thought of ordering another. On a chalkboard near the door, I glanced at the term, “Junkyard Dog.” It appeared to be a big brother to the Charley Dog due to the addition of bacon and spicy ranch. So I went for it and I am thrilled I did.

While devouring my second dog, a thought popped into my head. “I have chili and cheese all over my hands and face. Why do I only have one napkin?” I realized this could be on purpose because it made the experience even more memorable. Once I got a tad messy, I decided to screw it and I made it my duty to be the sloppiest customer in the restaurant. After munching on the best hot dogs my stomach has ever digested, I am pretty sure I succeeded.

What You’ll Need

You don’t even need a mild appetite. As soon as you enter the aromas fill the nostrils, ultimately informing the tummy it requires more food.


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